Forgotten Beatitudes

Okay, the only thing that Cern’s Large Hadron Collider project can’t seem to collide is actual particles.

Did I say “collide”?  I mean “collude”.

In case you missed it, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, Cern, is attempting to get the LHC, or Large Hadron Collider, started.  The purpose of this multi-billion dollar project is to answer some fundamental questions about the nature of the universe.  The vanishingly slim but hilariously doomsdayish side effect may be the creation of micro black holes that will gobble up the world like a fat man eats a turkey dinner.

Now, the project has been plauged with various issues.  Scheduled to smash its first particles together last year, due to substandard construction and general confusion about how the thing is actually supposed to work, it’s never been powered up fully and, in many ways, become the scientific world’s “Heaven’s Gate” equivalent.  No, not THAT Heaven’s Gate, although the testicular status of those in charge of the project is indeed somewhat in doubt.  THIS “Heaven’s Gate”.

Yeah…

So, anyway, just when things were starting to look like they were back on track, guess what:  TERRORISTS LOVE BLACK HOLES AND HATE FRANCE!

Now, apart from the laughable string of bad luck Cern is experiencing at the moment, one wonders what sort of exotic matter will be produced in the minds of rabid Right-Wingers as they try and wrap their brains around the notion that Al Qaeda might hate France more than the U.S.